


Of Blessings and Curses

by princessmnonoke



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: my shameless attempt at angst, totally would add more tags but I don't want to spoil all the fun ;)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-16
Packaged: 2018-09-17 23:43:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9351827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessmnonoke/pseuds/princessmnonoke
Summary: Life is a valuable thing: it is worth more than diamonds and more fragile than glass. In a lifestyle that requires going head-first into danger on a daily basis, Ladybug and Chat Noir understand this more than the average person. But, at some point, the clock runs out and fate strikes its hand – even for the greatest of heroes. In life, there are no second chances…right?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Rating is for blood and death and all that fun stuff. I’m pretty sure this idea has already been done before, but I just couldn’t stop myself. My whole existence literally depends on feeding off of angst.
> 
> My first time posting a fic here. So any formatting issues are due to my inability to figure this site out.

It all happened too quickly. 

Not very often were Ladybug and Chat Noir subjected to fending off two akumatzied victims, and even less so did they lose. But, Ladybug thinks to herself as she chokes back a violent sob, eyes trailing the prone form of Chat falling, falling – _why wasn’t he stopping?_ – to the cemented blacktop, this was perhaps one of greatest, never before conceived loses of all. 

Ladybug didn’t – couldn’t – fathom how this had happened. It had all started with Paris becoming ravaged by unnatural winds, all caused by two akumatized girls. They called themselves the “Twisters,” twins gifted by Hawkmoth with the power to run fast enough to create strong winds.

It was going to be easy, they had thought. And seeing Chat flash a toothy smile at her and bound, alone, after one of the Twisters onto a skyscraper, she had believed so, too. 

That was before. Then Chat fell, and now he was hurt and it was all because she had been too preoccupied with the other Twister to help her partner. She’d only seen the end of the fight: Chat overwhelmed by the Twister’s speed, him loosing grip of his staff as it was flung off the building, and Chat losing his balance, yelling, flailing, falling to the ground, completely defenseless against the laws of gravity, despite all of the power he held.

 _Crunch_. 

Even meters away, Ladybug can hear the merciless sound of Chat’s body as it impacts with the hard blacktop below. She had thought that the pained screams of Hawkmoth’s victims as she freed them from an Akuma’s spell was bad, but this was worse – sickening, even – and Ladybug has to fight to not release the contents of her dinner onto the ground below her. 

It’s then that Ladybug notices that both of the Twisters – the one still on the roof and the one beside her – have stopped their relentless assault, their postures almost as still as Chat’s body laying before them. Now that their winds have ceased creating a cacophony of noise around her, the deadness of the area increases tenfold. Everybody must have run to shelter the moment these violent winds started, leaving the streets around her deserted. It is silent, now, and the only thing that Ladybug can hear is the rapid beating of her heart and the sound of Chat’s body hitting the ground, playing like an endless echo in her mind. 

Ladybug is broken from her trance, when, from the corner of her eye, she sees the Twister on the roof start running, her body rushing down the building in a blur, right toward Chat. Overcome with a panic and rage she has never felt before, she starts to run toward the girl, but she is nowhere near fast enough than someone gifted with the power of speed. She keeps running, all the while making sure not to look too closely at her partner’s body, for fear of the agonizing reality which she knows cannot be true, because Chat would never abandon her like this; not by death, never during battle, and never in such a cruel way. 

By the time she gets even remotely close to Chat, both of the girls have reached him, their blue and gray clad forms hovering over his still body. The only thought coursing through her mind now is that she has to run, run as fast as she can, and get to these two before they do anything else to him...but when she finally gets face-to-face with them, their heads whip up to stare at her, and she stops. 

Their eyes, which should have been a void of anger and frustration, are strangely clear, glittering with unshed tears. Save for the light glow behind the darks of their pupils and their akumatized clothing, Ladybug would have had no idea that that they were possessed. 

The one wearing light gray is the first to speak, and she backs up quickly, putting her hands up. Her expression is stricken, like a deer caught in the headlights. “I – I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened! One moment I was at the track, then I was here – but it wasn’t me, y’know? It wasn’t me…I would never k…ki-“

“He’s not.” Ladybug cuts her off, her voice flat as she looks the girl straight in the eyes, which is the only thing she can do to avoid the sight of Chat’s motionless body below her. “He can’t - he would never d –he would never leave me.”

This time the one in light blue speaks, as if to serve as a comforting grace for her sister. “So you don’t think he’s…”

“No.” There is an awkward pause in which the two twins seem to be trying their best to be confident in what Ladybug is telling them, and in that pause comes the end of all Ladybug’s distractions, reality crashing upon her. 

Chat was alright – he had to be, and she was being a coward, selfish, by not immediately rushing up to him to see if he was alright. He had to be hurting a lot right now, and he needed her to help him, more than he had ever needed her before. 

Slowly, cautiously, she walks toward Chat, her hand outstretched, as she reaches to check his pulse. She tries her best to ignore the blood beginning to form around her partner as she is forced to get closer to him. From the corner of her eyesight, she can see both of the Twisters stiffen and a purple outline shine over their faces. After months of fighting against Hawkmoth, Ladybug knows what this means. Her fear is gone, and she hurries toward Chat. She needs to check his pulse, she needs to know that he is alive and well before Hawkmoth regains control of his two victims. 

Her hand reaches his heart. She presses down. 1…2…3…

Nothing. 

“No.” A sob that Marinette didn’t know she was holding breaks out as she crumples to the ground next to him. The cold blacktop feels like death. “ _No_.” 

She’s never felt so weak, so helpless before. 

Suddenly, the powerful winds pick up again, and in the back of her mind Ladybug realizes that Hawkmoth must have succeeded in bringing the Twisters back under his control. One of them lunges forward, covering the few feet separating them so quickly Ladybug doesn’t even have time to process what is happening. She is pushed roughly aside, and suddenly the Twister is gripping her by the arm, carrying her away from Chat at breakneck speeds.

For a brief moment, Ladybug considers just letting herself be carried away. I’d be easy this way, and it’s not like anyone would blame her. These two were just way too powerful.

Flashes of Chat cross her mind. Chat smiling, Chat fighting, Chat falling. Memories of him, and of all the people they had saved together filling her to the brim.

" _Fight_."

The voice sounds strangely like Chat. She can feel the ice creeping into her heart start to melt and the needles numbing her mind shatter.  
Chat wouldn’t want her to give up. He’d want her to fight, to win this battle, and free these innocent people from Hawkmoth’s control. For the sake of her home, she couldn’t let Hawkmoth gain control of her and Chat’s Miraculous.

Quickly, nimbly, Ladybug takes out her yo-yo and flings it around the Twister’s feet, tripping her and freeing Ladybug from her grasp. They both stumble roughly to the ground, but Ladybug is swift to get on her feet. She looks around for the other Twister, and sees her leaning eagerly toward Chat as she reaches to take off his Miraculous.

A mix of panic and desperation races through her. She’s too far away, and she’s no way near fast enough. But she needs to stop this, now, so she does the only thing she knows that she should do.

“Lucky charm!” Hope and anger clash together as her cry pierces the air.

A flash of red crosses Ladybug’s eyesight, and in the next moment, a boomerang falls into her grasp. What is she supposed to do with this?

Ladybug looks around as she tries to think of a plan. One of the Twisters is only meters away from Chat and the other one is still recovering from her fall. Despite the panic overcoming her, Ladybug knows two things for sure: she can’t take both at once, and she needs to think fast, faster than it will take the Twisters to reach her. 

_Think…think…think…_

She looks at her boomerang, and the Twister several meters away from her hovering over Chat’s body. She grasps her yo-yo, and she realizes she is near the back of a restaurant. Her attention falls onto a large trash bin, and everything clicks into place. “Got it!” 

Ladybug smiles at her small victory, but her expression becomes more serious as she remembers the catastrophic circumstances that have led her to this. This could be her only chance to save Chat and Paris, and she knows that she must succeed. 

Quickly, Ladybug throws the boomerang at the Twister closest to Chat, and she hopes that her aim will be true. She turns around to see that the other Twister has gotten up, her posture poised and ready for another assault. She begins to run at Ladybug, and in response Ladybug flings her yo-yo at her. It wraps around her legs and trips her once again. With a grunt, Ladybug musters all of the strength that she can. Her yo-yo is still wrapped around the Twister’s legs, and Ladybug begins to spin in a circle, taking the girl with her. Once she has gained enough speed, she throws the Twister inside the trash bin. As she falls in with a heavy clang, Ladybug runs to the dumpster.

At the last second, Ladybug hears a rush of wind, and she fears that the other Twister has come after her. But, as she looks up, she realizes that it is only the boomerang, coming back to her. She leaps into the air and grabs it just as it is about to fly past her, and shoves it in the handle of the trash bin, locking the Twister inside. 

With one Twister now trapped, Ladybug turns her attention to the other one. She is on the ground, rubbing her head, and Ladybug begins to run at the girl, and hopes she can reach her before she recovers. Her legs are on fire and her lungs feel like they are going to explode, but she continues to sprint.

Suddenly, the girl stands and lunges at Chat. Ladybug throws the yo-yo in response. It soars through the air with more force than Ladybug had intended, and knocks the Twister to the side. As girl collapses to the ground, Ladybug reaches her in a few quick strides. 

Ladybug looks the girl up and down. “Now if I was an akuma, where would I be?”

A headband…mask…running outfit...shoes. The shoes! With a gasp of realization, Ladybug walks to the girl and takes off her shoes. “Now I just need a way to destroy it,” she mutters to herself.

Ladybug looks around the area, and with a gasp, she sees Chat’s staff. “There!” Ladybug rushes toward it and grabs it; she throws the shoes to the ground and pierces the staff into them. The akuma flies out, and with her signature cry, Ladybug catches and purifies it.

Her attention turns to Chat when a thought crosses her mind. The other Twister. Just in time, Ladybug looks up to see the boomerang, heading straight toward her. Quickly, she leaps to the side and snatches it out of the air. If the boomerang isn’t locking the Twister in anymore, she thinks to herself, then she must not be far behind.

Just as Ladybug had anticipated, she catches sight of the Twister racing toward her. Ladybug tightly grips the boomerang and Chat’s staff as she waits for the girl to get close enough toward her. Only a few more seconds…now! Ladybug hurls the boomerang at the girl and it roughly knocks her to the side. Before the girl can come to, Ladybug takes off her shoes, stabs them with Chat’s staff, and purifies the akuma.

“Ladybug!”

At the sound of her name, Ladybug turns around to see the twins standing together, now back to normal, with identical expressions of shock and confusion crossing their faces. Without their masks on, Ladybug is alarmed at how young and vulnerable they look. A wave of anger overwhelms her. It just wasn’t fair – these girls didn’t ask to be controlled, to bring fear throughout Paris, to have contributed to Chat’s death. Being possessed by an akuma is temporary, but the guilt afterwards is eternal.  


“What-what happened?” The one on the left – still clothed in light blue – asks. “I don’t really remember much…Chat!”

Simultaneously, both of the girls run closer to Chat, but Ladybug is quick to block them. She might not have been able to save Chat, but she could save these girls from a sight that would haunt their dreams for the rest of their lives.

“He’s dead…right?” Continues the girl in blue. Her twin seems to be in shock, her eyes devoid of coherence and emotion. “I don’t remember much, but I do remember you taking his pulse.” Her eyes become wide now, almost pleading, and she grips Ladybug’s hand. “I’m sorry” – a glance at her sister, her expression still blank – “We’re sorry. We didn’t mean it. Please, we’ll do anything to help, anything…”

Ladybug can almost taste the desperation coming off of her, and it breaks her heart. She pulls away from the girls and looks them in the eyes. “You can’t. There’s nothing you can do.”

“But – " 

A brief wave of anger overcomes her, and she puts her hand up to silence her. All she wants is to be left alone, to grieve in peace. “You’ve done enough.”

Both of the girls flinch, and immediately Ladybug regrets what she had said. She recovers the gap between them and grabs them both by the hands, her grip tight enough that they can’t escape. The girl in gray looks up at her, her eyes more clear than Ladybug has seen so far. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said.” She says to them. She can feel wetness beginning to form in her eyes, and even though she is supposed to be the hero, the strong one, she can’t bear to bring herself to stop the tears. “It’s not your fault. You were under Hawkmoth’s control, there’s was nothing you could do. If anything, it’s my fault. I couldn’t stop Hawkmoth, and I couldn’t save Chat, or you guys, before it was too late.”

She had used her Lucky Charm not so long ago, and in the back of her mind she can sense that her time as Ladybug will be ending soon. As much as she wants to comfort these girls, she has to leave, now, before her Miraculous wears out. “I have to go, but please remember that this isn’t your fault. And don’t tell anyone about Chat – I will. That is my responsibility to bear, not yours.”

Taking both of the girls’ nods as a signal for her to leave, Ladybug takes out her yo-yo, picks up Chat and his staff and throws her yo-yo toward the nearest pole as she swings away. Ladybug tries her best not to think about the limp and cold body of Chat in her arms as she hurries toward her house, praying that she’ll make it back before she reverts back to normal.

It doesn’t take long – luckily this battle didn’t take place that far from her house – and she lands on the roof a few seconds before she changes back into her normal self.

She lays Chat on the ground, and stares at him, the first full look she has gotten of him since his death. In the fading sunlight, the shadows accentuating his face make him appear thinner than usual. She can make out smears of blood on his face. His neck and legs are twisted at an awkward angle, like a discarded doll.

Marinette can’t bear the sight of seeing Chat broken like this, so she gently takes his legs and straightens them, turns his head to the sky, and puts his hands on his heart.

As much as she knows she should, Marinette can’t bring herself to unmask Chat. She knows she needs to find out his identity and bring him home to his family – they are probably worried about him and wondering where she is – but Marinette is repelled at the thought of finding out his identity this way. If she finds out his identity, then not only would she be grieving the death of a hero, but also a boy. A boy with friends and family who love him, a boy with future aspirations, a boy with hobbies and talents. And now a boy who is dead, all because of her.

It is easier to grieve a man behind a mask than a boy who had the whole world waiting for him. 

Or so Marinette tells herself. But deep down, she knows she is just being a coward.

For a moment Marinette wonders why Chat isn’t turning back to normal, but in the end she pushes that thought aside. She considers it a blessing, not knowing what his true identity is.

To her, Chat is her partner, silly and reckless and caring and everything she could have ever wanted in a best friend. Black cats may be considered unlucky, but Marinette considers herself lucky to have known him.

Just one more day, she tells herself. One more day of peace, where his family and the entirety of Paris can be ignorant to this tragedy. Just one day where Marinette can grieve alone. One more day, then she will bring his body to the police and tell them what had happened. 

His eyes, once a bright, vibrant green, are now dulled, distorted into something that is an insult compared to the goodness that he represents.

With a sob, she closes his eyes. His skin feels waxy and cold and unnatural for someone who used to be so lively. “Oh Chat, you brave, strong kitty. I thought cats were supposed to land on their feet, but you always seem to do whatever you want, don’t you?”

As she looks at Chat, caught between the dying sun and the rising moonlight, Marinette releases a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She collapses onto Chat, her body shaking and tears soaking his uniform. It is then that Marinette realizes that appearing strong doesn’t make a hero: love, compassion, and sacrifice are what make one. Emotion may be the reason why she is so broken in the first place, but emotion is also what will keep Chat alive, even in death.

Marinette isn’t sure how long she is there, holding onto Chat, but it starts raining and Tikki is shivering on Marinette’s shoulder, so she picks her up and heads into her home. Thinking of Chat, alone in the freezing rain, she retrieves a blanket from her closet and brings it up to him, covering his soaking body. She combs her hands through his golden locks one last time, then goes back to her room.

Although her clothes are still wet, she collapses into her bed, too exhausted and empty to do anything else. Tikki pulls the covers over her and cuddles into the crook of Marinette’s neck. The gesture comforts Marinette, and she closes her eyes.

“Marinette?”

At the sound of Tikki’s voice, Marinette replies, “Yes?” Her voice is more horse than she had anticipated.

“I just want to let you know that everything is going to be okay.”

Her breath hitches in her throat, and Marinette fears that she might start crying again. Tikki is such a good friend. Just like Chat. “You promise?”  
A gentle stroke on her cheek. “I promise, Marinette.”

“Thank you, Tikki.”

\--o--o--o--

Marinettte’s dreams were relentless, to say the least.

They would always start with Chat, alive and well and quipping jokes at her. 

Then the winds from the Twisters would start, and they would fight. 

Then Chat would fall. His impact with the ground would reverberate in the air, like it was coming from Marinette’s very soul. 

Marinette would run toward him, but never reaching him, the Twisters always pulling her further and further away. 

When she would finally get to him, she would see his body, twisted and mangled and broken beyond recognition. And his eyes – his eyes would be black pools of death, crimson blood shining around the edges like a perverted imitation of a mask. 

Then she’d be carrying his limp and cold body, his body more soft and bendable than should be humanly possible. 

She’d take him to the roof of her house. But instead of her collapsing onto him, he would fall on top of her, suffocating her, and she wouldn’t have the strength to fight back. 

As she would suffocate on Chat’s corpse, her vision would go black, and the nightmare would start over again. 

And over and over again. 

Marinette wonders if this is what hell is like. 

\--o--o--o--

Marinette wakes up in the morning to the sound of her alarm going off. She feels stiff and tired, possibly even more tired than she has ever felt before. For a moment she considers staying home sick instead of going to school, but right now she just wants any shred of normalcy she can get. The thought of staying home, alone with her memories, terrifies her, so she gets out of bed before she loses the strength to. 

She grabs a change of clothes and heads into the bathroom. Showering under the warm water is relaxing, and Marinette almost feels as if what had happened yesterday was all in her imagination. 

When she is done, she dries her hair and looks in the mirror. Her eyes appear dulled and her mouth is set into a frown. She tries to smile, but to her it just looks like someone else is pulling at the edges. She applies some makeup to try to hide the shadows under her eyes and the unnatural paleness of her skin, and after several minutes she decides that she’s done all that she can do. 

Before she heads downstairs, Marinette considers going back up to visit Chat, but in the end she decides against it. If she did, she would likely start crying again, and she wouldn’t be able to stop. 

She looks up to the stairs that lead to the roof. “I’m sorry, Chat,” Marinette says, then grabs her backpack and goes into the kitchen. 

Her parents are busy in the kitchen, quickly preparing for another day at the bakery. When Marinette walks in, her mom grabs a nearby muffin and hands it to her daughter. Marinette wonders what Chat’s parents are doing, and if they are worried about their son. A choked sound comes out of her, and both her parents turn toward her, identical expressions of worry on their faces. 

“Is everything alright, honey?” Her mom asks as her dad sets down the bread he is kneading. 

_No, I’m not. Your daughter is actually Ladybug and she saw Chat Noir fall off a building last night, and now his body is on your roof._

Marinette takes a bite out of her muffin, and it feels like sand is going down her throat. She decides that she’s not hungry. “Yes, I’m fine. I think I might be coming down with a cold or something.” 

Her dad asks her if she wants to stay home from school or take some medicine, but Marinette quickly declines, saying that yes, she has already taken some medicine, and no, she has a project due in class today so she can’t miss school. 

She hates lying. 

When Marinette arrives to school, class is about to start. Alya is already sitting in their usual spot and when Marinette walks in, she waves at her. Marinette smiles and waves back, but it feels halfhearted at best. 

“Hey,” Alya greets her when Marinette sits down. “Where have you been? I know you’re usually late, but not this late. You missed the most exciting thing this morning. Michael – you know, the guy a year ahead of us – got into a fight with a teacher. There was a lot of yelling, and I swear the whole school was watching. Even the principal came out…hey Marinette, are you okay?” 

Marinette hadn’t realized Alya was talking to her until then, and she looks up at her friend. Alya could always read her like a book. They were best friends, after all. “Huh? Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. I think I’m just getting a little sick.” 

Alya looks doubtful, and Marinette tries to distract her before Alya can question her any further. “So what about the principal? What happened next?” 

Ever the gossiper, Alya takes the bait, and continues to talk about the drama of that morning until their teacher walks in a few minutes later. Class is uneventful, and Marinette finds herself distracted by her thoughts. When the nightmares from last night aren’t playing in her head, she is trying to think about what she will tell the police when she visits them after school. 

She doesn’t know how long she is out of it for, but her thoughts break when the door opens and Miss Bustier stops lecturing. Mariette looks up, and sees Adrien walk in. His hair is frazzled, his clothes are disheveled, and when he walks past her, Marinette can make out a light purple bruise on his neck. 

“Mr. Agreste?” The teacher calls out to him. “I trust that you have a valid excuse as to why you are late?” 

The whole class is staring at him, and whispers are beginning to break out. Marinette swears that she sees him flinch, and a wave of sympathy overcomes her. “No I don’t, Miss Bustier. I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” 

Miss Bustier seems to take Adrien’s apology as enough, and continues lecturing. Marinette tries her best to listen, but she can’t bring herself to focus. Class drags on, and Marinette regrets deciding to come to school.

\--o--o--o—

The rest of the day is uneventful, and she is glad when it is over. She was beginning to find it difficult to stay awake during class, and Alya constantly asking if she was okay was getting quite overwhelming. 

When Alya asks Marinette to hang out after school, Marinette declines, saying that she feels sicker than this morning, and needs to get some sleep. Alya doesn’t argue, which Marinette takes as a sign that she must look pretty terrible. 

On her way out, Marinette hears someone call her name. She turns around and sees Adrien walking toward her. Even with everything going on right now, Marinette’s heart can’t help but flutter nervously in her chest. “Yes?” 

Now that Adrien is face-to-face with her, Marinette can see that he looks better compared to this morning. Besides his still rumpled clothes and the bruise hiding behind his shirt collar, Marinette wouldn’t have been able to tell that anything was wrong with him. 

“Uh…I was just wondering,” Adrien asks as he rubs the back of his neck. “I was just wondering if you were okay? It’s just that normally you talk during class, which today you didn’t, and it just felt kinda strange…so I was just wondering if you were alright?” 

Marinette can’t think straight, can’t speak. While Marinette would be the first to admit she has been out of it all day, becoming frozen while talking to Adrien was a different beast entirely. 

“Yes,” her voice squeaks – whether from disuse or nerves, she can’t tell. “Yes, I’m alright. I’m just feeling a little sleep and I need to go to sick now.”

It takes a second for her words to catch up to her mind, and when they do, she mentally hits herself in the head. “I mean, I’m just feeling a little _sick_ and I need to go to _sleep_ now.”

Adrien chuckles, and Marinette’s heart soars at the sound. “Alright,” he says. “I hope you get well soon.” 

With a wave, Adrien walks away, and she smiles at him, her first real smile since yesterday. Not until now did Marinette realize how good smiling felt. 

But, at the thought of her upcoming talk with the police, the frown returns to Marinette’s face. She heads back to her house, slower than normal, dreading the reality that she wants to believe is a dream. Why couldn’t Adrien just talk to her forever? 

Marinette thinks back to her promise to the twins. As a protector of Paris, it was her responsibility to let everyone know the truth. She had her chance to grieve alone and process last night’s events, and putting it off any further was not doing anyone any good, especially her. Perhaps doing this could give her some closure. Revealing Chat’s death was ending all the lies, and Marinette is sure that Chat will be provided with a deserving funeral, perhaps the best in all of Paris. 

With more purpose in her step, Marinette walks back to her home before she loses her courage entirely. After exchanging a distracted greeting with her parents, she heads up to the staircase leading to the roof, and at the end she lets loose a nervous breath. 

“You can do this, Marinette. There’s nothing you can do about it now, so just go.” She can feel tears beginning to form, and she wishes she was trapped in the ocean, its waves sweeping her away from reality. She can’t bear the thought of going back onto the roof and seeing Chat once again – her, sweet, silly Chat Noir – unmoving and vulnerable on the ground. 

But she has to. Chat wouldn’t want her to grieve him, not like this. And with that, Marinette covers the last step to the roof and opens the door. 

Marinette shields her eyes from the sun and looks around. She sees nothing. 

…Nothing? _Where’s Chat?_

Besides the pool of dried blood and the crumpled blanket, there are no signs that Chat was ever here.

Panic overcomes Marinette, and she quickly transforms into Ladybug. She has to find Chat, she thinks to herself. _He could have fallen off during the rainstorm last night, or animals might have gotten him. What if Hawkmoth has found him?_

Ladybug soars throughout Paris searching for Chat for hours, with no success. Exhaustion is the only reason why she comes back. And if Hawkmoth was the one who had taken Chat away, Ladybug tries to tell herself, she would have known by now. Hawkmoth was many things, but subtle was not one of them. 

As she turns back into her normal self, Marinette collapses onto her bed. Worry over where Chat could have gone, guilt over not immediately bringing him to the shelter of the police, and sorrow over his death overwhelm her. It is a strange combination of emotions, and Marinette finds herself hyperventilating from the pure force of it. 

She isn’t tired and feels like she still needs to do something, so she gets off her bed and starts to pace. The action doesn’t alleviate the pain in her heart and her lungs in the slightest, and she feels as if she is going to hyperventilate again. 

Suddenly, Marinette remembers one of her art teachers telling the class about the therapeutic power of art. Drawing memories and emotions helps a lot, she had told them, and in that moment Marinette is desperate for anything that will free her from the cage that she is in. People might not be able to help her through this, but she hopes that the pen and paper will. 

Besides, drawing was better than sleeping. 

Marinette sits down at her desk, and begins drawing. She draws her nightmares. Chat on the roof. She draws his eyes in life, and draws them in death. Soon she has gone through a whole pad of paper, and her drawings, splattered with blacks and greens and reds, are scattered all over the floor. Until the sun shines through her window, Marinette doesn’t realize she has been up all night. 

If she can keep this up, Marinette thinks to herself, maybe she won’t have to sleep at all. 

\--o--o--o—

That day Marinette skips school. She figures that trying to find Chat’s body is more important. 

The whole morning and afternoon she searches Paris, and she only stops every once in a while to let Tikki rest. Just as she is about to end her and Tikki’s rest and search the area yet again, a scream stops her in her tracks. 

In the distance, she can see people running away from a spandex-clad person, and Marinette knows that this can only mean one thing: Hawkmoth has akumatized someone yet again. Even though the thought of fighting without Chat breaks her heart, the thought of another person slain by Hawkmoth’s hand angers her even more. 

She turns into Ladybug and heads into the fray. From what Ladybug can deduce, the civilian is a car salesman altered into a villain with the power control any type of vehicle. Cars, buses and taxis are driving in random directions, but once the akumatized villain catches sight of her, all of the vehicles turn toward her. 

Ladybug doesn’t know how long she has been dodging these vehicles, but she is beginning to tire out and she still doesn’t have a plan. Just as she skirts around a car, she sees a bus coming her way. It is going too fast, and she is just so tired. She knows she won’t be able to dodge it in time, when somebody appears as if from thin air and knocks her out of the way. 

A voice that Ladybug had never thought she would hear again fills the air. “Y’know, I’ve heard that car accidents are one of the top causes of injury, but I never assumed it would be like _this_.” 

In that moment, Ladybug forgets all of her exhaustion, and is filled up with such a strong feeling of relief that she feels like she will explode. “Chat!” 

“Hey Ladybug! I figured it you might need some help,” Chat says as he glances back at cars lined up behind one another. “I would have gotten here earlier, but I got stuck in some…traffic.” 

Ladybug is speechless. A voice she never thought she hear again and a face she’d never thought she’d see again were right here, right _now_. For her whole life, Marinette believed in miracles – but this, this was something even greater than that. 

Ladybug doesn’t know how, but she finds herself speaking. “But, Chat. You – you died.” Her voice cracks, and she has to cough to recover her voice. “I was there.” 

For a moment foreign expression of sorrow crosses Chat’s face, but a second later he flashes a toothy smile at her. “Didn’t take, I guess. Let’s finish this baddie, and then tonight, at midnight, meet me on top of the Eiffel Tower and I’ll tell you everything.” 

In the end, beating the akumatized car salesman wasn’t too hard, once Chat Noir and Ladybug started working together. As Ladybug worked with him again, she didn’t realize how impossible it would have been to go at it alone. 

\--o--o--o--

Sometimes Ladybug forgets how beautiful Paris is at night. 

Despite the beauty of this town and the fact that Chat is actually alive and well, though, Ladybug finds that in the corner of her eye she can still sometimes see the memory Chat’s body crumpled on the ground. Excited shrills that fill the night air become Chat’s yells as he impacts with the blacktop. The gentle winds bring in the smell of death. 

Lost in her thoughts, Ladybug doesn’t hear when Chat joins her, and she yelps in surprise at the sound of his greeting. 

Chat puts his hands up in a placating gesture and chuckles. “Woah, it’s like you’ve seen a ghost.” 

At Ladybug’s speechlessness, Chat steps back. “Oh. I’m sorry. Bad joke. Really, really bad joke.” 

Chat’s ears are starting to droop, and Ladybug scrambles to gain her voice back, her desire for her to regain her relationship with Chat outweighing her desire to be angry at him for actually being alive and not telling her right away. 

“Cats are supposed to be sassy, but I didn’t know that they were comedians too.” Ladybug quips back, and at Chat’s grin, she is happy to know that she has said the right thing. 

There is a moment of silence, but it isn’t oppressive. 

Ladybug turns to Chat. “So did you actually…you know, die?” 

“Yes.” Chat looks at her, his green eyes reflecting the full moon peeking out from around the clouds. “I remember falling…but after that…nothing. In the morning, I woke up on the roof of a building.”

“But…how? How are you alive?” 

“You know that myth about cats having nine lives? Well, apparently it’s actually true.” 

For a moment, Ladybug is shocked. Sure, she could understand their Miraculouses giving them the power of agility, endurance, and battle skills…but giving its owner nine lives? That…that is too much. But, as she looks at Chat, alive and standing next to her, she realizes she is grateful for this impossible power his Miraculous has given him. 

“Well, if you knew about this, why didn’t you tell me about it? I thought you were dead!” 

Chat looks frustrated, but it is a loving kind of frustration. “I actually didn’t know until…when I died. You know Plagg. He can be kind of difficult at times, and sometimes he doesn’t tell me about my powers until the last minute. Or after the fact. And I would have tried to find you sooner, but I wasn’t able to get the strength to use my Miraculous until this evening.” 

At his admission, Ladybug snatches Chat’s staff and teasingly twirls it in the air. “Well consider yourself lucky, kitty-cat, that you have valid excuses for not telling me earlier.”

Silence overcomes the atmosphere again, and Ladybug hands Chat his staff back. “I’m just happy you’re alive. Now if you scare me like that one more time, I will take you down, nine lives or not.” 

Chat laughs again, and lightly punches her on the arm. “I’ll hold you to that, Ladybug.” 

Ladybug punches him back. “You better.” 

As Ladybug shares familiar banter with her partner, she is ecstatic to realize that he is really, truly alive. But, as she touches his strong, solid arm, some part of her that still hasn’t forgotten the reality of his death feels as if she is touching a ghost. 

\--o--o--o--

The nightmares still come.

Marinette’s notebooks are filled with drawings now. She draws every day. It doesn’t make the nightmares go away, but it does make them more bearable. 

Marinette wonders why these nightmares still continue. Tikki says that even though Chat is still alive, Marinette’s memories from that night won’t go away so easily; Chat’s body might still be fully healed, but, as Tikki tells her, it might take her mind a little longer to heal. 

While she has gotten used to maintaining her dual identities, keeping up this façade of normalcy and optimism has proven to be much harder. She can’t let her friends and family know what is troubling her, and she can’t let Chat know, either. Chat hasn’t shown any signs that this new development bothers him – and he’s the one who died, for goodness sakes – so Marinette feels as if she should appear like she isn’t bothered, either. 

But, Marinette feels as if the bruises and lines under her eyes are becoming permanent. She doesn’t know how much longer she can last. 

For weeks, she maintains the façade. If nobody knows what is wrong, maybe then she will feel the same way. Only Tikki, and her pen and paper need to know that she is actually not okay. She’ll be fine. It’ll just take time.

That night an akuma attack awakens Marinette from another nightmare. As she fights alongside Chat, blocking, dodging, and returning blows, she realizes that some part of her is afraid of him. 

\--o--o--o--

Three months later, Chat dies again. 

It happens during an akuma attack. This time it is an older woman, and Ladybug hopes that this woman doesn’t have children of her own. 

With the power to stretch her body to inhuman lengths, her supervillain name, Rubber Band, is very fitting. Ladybug learns later from Alya’s Ladyblog that this woman’s real name is Elise, and she is a professional gymnast. 

Unlike Chat’s first death, this one happens slowly, yet Ladybug is still unable to stop it. 

One moment her and Chat are tag-teaming against Rubber Band, then before Ladybug can defend Chat, Rubber Band’s arm whips out and wraps around his neck. Ladybug runs to try to save him, but she is restrained by Rubber Band’s other arm as it encases her body in a cocoon. 

As she struggles against Rubber Band’s grip, she watches as Chat is choked to death. 

Her lungs feel like they are being crushed and she can hardly breathe. For a brief moment, Ladybug wonders why she is only being restrained and not choked to death herself. She quickly forgets about this, though, as her cries for Chat to fight and her screams from her own frustration fill the air.

At first, it appears as if Chat will succeed in freeing himself from her grasp; but as time goes on, Ladybug watches, helpless, as her partner’s strength to fight decreases. At some point, Chat’s yells and grunts disappear. His body slowly falls still as the growing paleness of his face becomes accentuated by faint blueness flushing his features. 

In her anger, it doesn’t take Ladybug long to finish the battle and free Rubber Band from the akuma’s spell. 

To her, it is the aftermath that is harder. 

After using her Lucky Charm, Ladybug doesn’t have long to console the woman, Elise, but her heart can’t help but let this woman know that no, she’s not angry with her, and no, this is not her fault. She tries to convince the woman that Chat Noir is not dead – he’ll be fine, really – but her consolations are half-hearted at best. Some part of her is worried that Chat won’t come back this time. 

Ladybug only has a few minutes left to find shelter for her and Chat before she turns back to normal, so she leaves the woman, and takes out her yo-yo. She finds a spot just at the right time, an abandoned building in the middle of Paris. With a grunt, she picks up Chat’s body and sits him against the wall in what she assumes is a comfortable position. It feels like dragging a mannequin. 

As she watches Chat, vulnerable and still on the ground, Marinette decides that she will sit and wait for Chat to wake up. She wants to make sure that nobody – especially Hawkmoth – can do anything to him while he is healing. 

Her and Tikki take a short rest. In order for Marinette to preserve her identity for when she hopes Chat wakes up, she transforms back into Ladybug when they are both well enough. 

Marinette doesn’t have a watch with her, but she feels as if hours have passed when she finally hears Chat let in a deep, choking breath. It is dark in this building, so she isn’t sure, but she thinks she sees him grasp at his throat. 

She runs toward him, crossing the distance between them in a few quick strides. “Chat. You’re alive!” 

“You bet I am,” he pants, and it sounds as if he had just run a marathon. He looks up at her with those electric green eyes Ladybug doesn’t think she could ever live without. “Nine lives, remember?” 

“Yes, Chat. How could I forget?” 

Exhaustion still line his features, and Chat looks around in confusion. “Where are we?” 

“An abandoned building,” Ladybug replies. 

“….You took us here yourself?”

“Yes?” 

“And you waited all this time for me to wake up?” 

“Yes.” 

For a few moments Chat is overcome with a violent coughing fit, but soon it subsides and he grins at her. “Must have been like watching paint dry.” 

Ladybug is sitting next to him now, both of their backs propped against the wall. “Probably the most boring I’ve ever seen you.” 

“Well I was just dead,” – a pause – “but really, Ladybug. Thank you.” 

“Anytime, kitty-cat.” 

\--o--o--o--

Despite not getting any sleep that night, Marinette goes to school the next day. Over these past few months, she’s gotten better at listening during class, despite her distracted thoughts.

Today, though, feels much like the first time Chat died. Even though she knows that Chat is alive – she even saw him come to life herself – his death still haunts her. 

A cold is going around the school right now, and every cough sounds like Chat as he is slowly choked to death. 

Marinette flinches at the sound of students slamming books on their desk. 

When she closes her eyes, she can see Chat as he falls off a building and flailing as he is trapped in Rubber Band’s grasp. 

Her fingers twitch. Marinette itches to start drawing. She avoids drawing pictures of her memories, since in every class she sits by Alya or another one of her friends. Instead, she draws anything that she can think of – clothing designs, flowers, animals, food. It feels good to keep her hands moving, and it helps her listen to her teachers as they lecture, so she continues. 

Her friends have noticed how much she has been drawing lately, and they compliment her, joking that she will become the next big artist in Paris. 

\--o--o--o--

That night, Marinette – as Ladybug – searches the city for places for her and Chat to stay the next time he dies. She wants to make sure that she can quickly find a place for her and Chat where they can take shelter in when – no, _if_ ¬ he dies again. It’s better than sleeping, and she likes feeling as if she is being productive. 

After his second death, in the abandoned building, her and Chat had talked for as long as his Miraculous would last. He had told her that, according to Plagg, when he comes to life he has to also experience his death. He explained to her that the first time he died, when he came back to life, he had felt the pain of impacting with the ground, and that this time, he had felt himself being choked to death, exactly like how he had died. 

Every good thing comes with a cost, he had told her. And re-experiencing his death in order to come back to life was the price that he had to pay. 

Chat had also told her that with every life that he loses, the pain of coming back to life would only get worse and worse. 

And so, in that moment, Marinette had decided that she would do everything to make sure that he doesn’t ever have to come back to life alone and scared and in pain. They were partners, best friends, after all. She would be there for him. 

It takes the whole night for Marinette to find abandoned buildings for her and Chat to take shelter in. In each spot, she makes sure to store blankets, food, and water for Chat, and a pad of paper and pens for herself. 

\--o--o--o--

Chat’s third death is by the hand of a merciless fire. 

It is the evening, and news of a dangerously burning building spreads throughout Paris. As heroes, Ladybug and Chat Noir try to help the citizens of Paris, even when there isn’t an akuma attack, so they arrive to the site of the fire, willing to do anything to help. 

As the firemen and women try to extinguish the fire and retrieve people from the building, her and Chat also help to bring people to safety. 

It feels like hours later when everyone has been led out from the building, but efforts to extinguish the fire continue. As Ladybug and Chat hunch over, tired and out of breath, it is discovered that there is one more person, a little girl’s father, still in the building. 

At hearing this news, Chat’s ears perk up and his posture becomes straight, more resolute. 

Ladybug removes her gaze from the spinning ground and looks Chat in the eyes. “Chat, no.” 

Her voice is desperate, but it doesn’t stop Chat from ignoring her plead.

“You know I have to. I’m the only one who can save him.” His tail gently flicks her on the cheek. Then, more gently, he adds, “I’m sorry, Ladybug.” 

He runs away and Ladybug reaches her arms out and tries to catch him, but he is too fast and has too much of a lead. “Chat!” 

Suddenly, and policewoman comes up from behind her and grabs her by the shoulders, holding her back. “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing we can do about it now. The fire’s just too dangerous.” 

As much as Ladybug wants to run into the fire and help Chat, she knows this woman is right, so she stops her struggle. 

The tension as they wait for Chat and the man to come out feels more palpable than the smoke in the air. 

A few minutes pass, then Ladybug catches movement coming from the building. It is the man. Chat is a few meters behind him. Suddenly, despite the roaring of the flames, Ladybug can hear Chat shout. He leaps, pushing the man out of the way and out of the fire just as the ceiling collapses on top of Chat. The man is able to safety roll away, but Chat is nowhere to be seen. 

“No, Chat, no…” Ladybug’s voice is almost a whimper, and she is vaguely aware of the policewoman still by her side, as if waiting to hold her back again. After the ceiling collapses, the flames grow in power, and Ladybug knows that there is nothing she can do. Except wait. 

It takes a few hours to get the fire to die down, and when it does, Ladybug immediately runs toward where she remembers Chat being. She roughly, desperately moves the rubble to the side. It doesn’t take long to find him. 

He is crushed beneath a metal pole, and behind his red and burnt flesh, the bones poking out of him stand out like a beacon. Ladybug lets out a sob. Nine lives or not, Ladybug wonders how Chat will be able to recover from this one. 

She doesn’t have the strength to remove the pole herself, and it takes several people to do so. Once Chat is free, Ladybug quickly picks up Chat, and with her yo-yo, leaves the civilians behind. 

As she carries Chat, she feels the brokenness and fragility of his body. She is worried that he might fall apart any second. Ladybug is relieved that she had already scouted locations for Chat and her to stay, so that she knows the quickest route to get them somewhere safe and deserted.

When they get to the building, Ladybug puts down some blankets and lays Chat on them. She makes a makeshift pillow, and although he still is fully clothed, thanks to the fireproof properties of his uniform, she tucks the last blanket over him. 

For a while, she quietly watches Chat. Some part of her is morbidly fascinated as she observes his skin slowly patch up and his bones move back into place. The other part of her is terrified at this sight. 

This side of her wins, so she takes out her pen and paper to distract herself. She only looks up at Chat every once in a while to see if he is still healing. 

Besides the faint sound of traffic outside, the scratching of her pen is the only sound filling the silence. She draws images that she has sketched dozens of times. 

She draws Chat falling. Chat on her roof. Chat being choked to death. 

And this time, a new drawing. Ladybug draws Chat, his body burned and crushed beyond recognition. 

Chat’s nine lives may be a blessing, but Ladybug believes her memories are a curse.


End file.
